Short Stories of the Heart

Pio “Bering” Beringuella

Quesas Porque

I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again. 1


It’s mid-summer in 1981 when I tendered my resignation. Everyone thought I was crazy walking away from what most considered a career goal. I had all the perks of a company executive. I was an executive without the title. I ran the production side of the company. In addition to my own projects, I supervised all the engineers and designers in the office. Every project had to go through my desk for assignment and final check before we sent them out of the office.

I also had unlimited access to the two partners of the firm. Everyone already considered me as one of the partners.

An ongoing joke among us three was when we go after projects with different architectural project teams. We always place a bet on who will win; just an excuse to get a free lunch as we always charge lunch ticket to the company business development fund. We had power lunches every Friday and who ever lost stayed behind to pick up the tab and do the paperwork back in the office until the next loser.

I was then working on my professional engineering license. I was not in a hurry as I know I will be made a partner the moment I get my Professional Engineer registration. And when I become a partner, I will be partly responsible for the financial well being of the company. I was too young for that responsibility. I was not even personally responsible yet!

I was just a kid!

I was in a plum position. I can do whatever I wanted.

And I did!

I gave three months notice to leave the company. And that was it! I was not happy anymore. I no longer have the joy of engineering. It became just another job.

Three months came and it’s time to fly back to Manila.

I felt uncertain when I arrived in a hot and humid Manila afternoon. I stood sad and lost next to the baggage carousel. I was asking myself, “What am I doing here? This trip made no sense at all.” All I wanted was to take the next flight out and go straight to San Francisco.

I managed to flag a taxi for the short ride home. I failed to notice the flurry of activities in a bustling metropolis; a stark contrast to the leisurely island life I had in Guam. My mind wondered somewhere else as I sat quietly in the backseat. I would have preferred arriving and seeing Sofia at the airport. I thought of visiting Sofia that night; maybe I will be able to talk to her. Or see her one last time and say our good byes.

I knew it was unlikely that she will ever want to see me again. I knew her to act like a kid too! She said goodbye. And that was it too!

I was hoping she would agree to see me one last time.

When I got home, I decided not to visit her after all. She knew I was in Manila. If she wanted to see me, she had ways of letting me know. We have mutual friends, who wanted us to get back together; at the very least to be civil to each other and remain friends.

There were those pushing us to reconciliation. I had my doubts. I was resigned to not seeing her again.

More than a month passed and I have not seen let alone talked to her. Not even a message. We had mutual friends but I was not about the one to be the first to be asking how she was doing. One evening, when I had nothing better to do than grab a beer and watch TV, I went to their house to surprise her. The surprise was on me. She must have known I was going to visit her that evening that she decided to come home late or not at all. I never wanted to know.

While I was at their house, she called home. I could hear her Mom talking to her and begging her to come home. Then her sister talked to her. As soon as her sister hung up, she said that Sofia was on her way home. An hour passed and still she’s not gotten home. Two hours. Three hours. The wait was embarrassingly long to everyone.

We had dinner without her. When dinner was over, I bid farewell but her Mom was really embarrassed by what had just happened. I stayed a bit longer just to make everyone at ease or embarrass them longer. At around midnight, Sofia called again. I know then she was not coming home until I have left their house.

It really was the end of the road. It was time to move on. Finally I could tell myself without any doubt, “I give it my all and I failed.”

Affairs of the heart really conflict with the mechanical mind set of engineers. For every endeavor in our own little world is a set of formulas to be followed to the letter! The pursuit of Sofia was yet another endeavor much like what we did in college. We went to nearby colleges and universities to meet ladies. Those outings were positive distractions to our research on failed laboratory experiments. Disappointments were expected in what we did in college. Seldom did we get the results we wanted. But in experiments on the affairs of the heart, we failed miserably.

I remember us going to Wildlife Park, where we met a few nursing students from UST. We exchange phone numbers and addresses. We promised to visit them at their dorm. And as naïve as we were, we went to their dorm somewhere in Sampaloc. There’s no one of those names who lived in that dorm.

This was just one of the many misadventures we had in college. I can not remember any that ended as a success. But we were always happy.

As with our misadventures in college, I have failed yet again.

I was not sad anymore. I have done my crying when the wound was still fresh. The last three months were agonizingly painful. But time heals everything for my loneliness was beginning to be of a distant memory. I decided to spend Christmas and New Year in Manila because it will be years before I will be back in Manila again.

I can not remember how Christmas was in that year - 1981. Christmas and New Year that year became just another day.

I occupied myself hanging out with former classmates who worked at PLDT. Shakey’s Greenbelt was across from their office. I remember the Greenbelt of the bygone days of Makati. It had wide open landscape; had an aviary; and even had a chapel. It’s a peaceful place to walk. After watching a movie at the Quad, alone of course, there was not much to do but walk alone; in solitude.

At five in the afternoon, night life begins. I spent a few nights drinking rounds of on tap over pizza and live music at Shakey’s Greenbelt. It’s almost an every night occurrence until I figure out how to live my life once again.

I may have spent so many days at PLDT as quite a few thought I work at PLDT. I even played cards with the guys and gals at lunch time. There were a few lady engineers in that department. Paraluman and Citas were like any one of the guys. They were always with us whenever we go for a pizza and beer.

Citas is the petite of the two. Paraluman has that innocent look of barrio lass. They must been around bossy male engineers all their life. They could shoot breeze with the guys. They were in charge of all social events in the office including out of town weekends.

I was with the group when they went to Punta Baluarte for a weekend day trip. I have never worked in the Philippines so this was the first that I would experience company picnics in the Philippines. As I boarded the bus, I saw several bags of sandwiches. I was telling myself, “I can’t be waking up this early just to have a sandwich for lunch.” I was not used to sandwiches on picnics. In Guam, we had BBQ ribs, steaks, and lots of Olympia and Schlitz.

Punta Baluarte offered a panoramic view of the Bay of Balayan and the surrounding mountains. The air was crisp; the water inviting but I was more interested in what was in store for us in the grand function room. I have not seen that much seafood on a long table before. San Miguel beer was flowing freely too. We drank the moment we arrived until the time we got back on the bus. It was like college days again.

And the sandwiches one may ask? Those were for the snack on the ride home.

My Manila trip was no longer a vacation. I began to live a good life; perhaps too good for my brothers in San Francisco to start worrying. I was getting calls from them almost every week only to be asked when I will depart for San Francisco. I always gave them my usual answer, “When I book my flight, I will let you know.”

It’s February 1982.

I got a call from my mother in Guam. She’s also concerned. It’s time I book my flight and get out of Manila.

But once again, life took an unexpected turn. I had a surprise date with Paraluman when we found out that we were attending the same wedding in Bulacan. I was invited by the groom, a classmate in college; and she by the bride, her classmate in college.

It was a surprise alright.

The newlyweds came to our table and asked, “When will you two get married? Don’t forget to invite us.”

And we look at each other like couples in love.

Footnotes

1 Excerpt from “How can you mend a broken heart?” by the Bee Gees